Women in Kerala
I got ready for dance class one day, and put on long pants and a t-shirt like usual even though there is no air conditioning in the building where the class is held. I noticed a few of my clothes from the U.S. and put on the loosest shirt I had brought. It seemed tight by Indian standards! I felt an ache for the U.S. How I missed being able to wear anything! It was a privilege I took for granted. I missed being able to wear my own fashions and not having to worry about sexual harassment from men. Here, women only wear a long top with pants or shirts. This privilege to wear my choice of clothing was a freedom I hadn’t considered before. I could w
ear skirts or shorts without consistent leering and gazing by men-old men, young men, married men, policemen, bus conductors, even some women! The irony is that even with wearing the salwar kameez (long shirt and pants), men still continue their sexual harassment even though there is nothing to see. Not just with me, but with all the women around me. Not just any woman, but all women; whether they are poor, rich, educated, literate, ugly, beautiful, fat, thin, or even disabled. To hear women in this culture say that this type of harassment is “a part of life” as they shrug their shoulders is alarming for me. Even more alarming is to hear men’s perspectives on this. According to them sexual harassment and abuse do not occur in Kerala, and if it does, it’s only a minute portion of society. Then they turn it around and say that men are the ones who are being harassed and abused by the women! In all reality, statistics say otherwise. Every 51 minutes a woman is sexually harassed, and every 21 minutes a woman is molested in India. I told my Aunty and her daughter about what men told me their perspectives were about sexual harassment and abuse. They laughed and said, “That is how it is here. Even if a man is beating his wife, he will not say that he is abusing her, he will only say she did something wrong to deserve it!” They went on to say that there is more freedom here than in North India and that there is more sexual harassment and abuse there. I kept thinking how conservative and confining the culture for women in South India is, I can’t even imagine the difference in North India!
I wonder, how is the U.S. so different from India that things like staring, groping, lewd comments, etc. is considered common and silently accepted by women? Of course there is a patriarchal system here which is the root of the problem. The men don’t acknowledge this however; they say that men and women are equal here. I see the truth in their actions. As I stand united and divided, a woman with her heart in India, but her feet in the U.S., I wonder what does it take to make a change? The women of Kerala suffer deep cuts and live with lacerations on their heart due to sexual abuse and harassment. They are uncomfortable to discuss these issues. They have to ask themselves about their silenced role in perpetuating these problems. What would make women better and stronger persons in the Kerala society? Can women go beyond knee jerk responses to combat such violations? The psyches of Kerala women bleed with shame in surviving sexual abuse and harassment. Culture, tradition and even religion are used to justify the inactivity of women to initiate the combating of such violation against women. Educating and empowering each woman through information and knowledge about various aspects of sexual abuse while forgetting political and religious sensitivities is the key to combating their silenced role.
Things I Miss
This may seem odd to write about what I miss in the U.S. since I have the opportunity of a lifetime to be in India. However, I have come to realize that it’s ok to miss the luxuries and things in the U.S. because at the same time I am appreciating what I didn’t before. I miss the freedom not only to wear different clothes (especially when its hot out!) but also to do small things such as stretch out in a chair, cross my leg over the other, use a washing machine, have air conditioning, speaking English and having people understand me, to call up my parents and boyfriend on the phone at anytime (it’s 12 hours time difference there and also its expensive to call). I miss sending letters because it takes one month for a letter to reach the U.S., to wear my hair in any fashion (only braids and barrettes are the fashion here), eating chocolate J, understanding conversations between people (they speak Malayalam between each other), using high speed internet, and eating different types of food (only south Indian and north Indian food here). Although I have traveled extensively in Central America and have interacted with many different cultures since I was young, being in India has taught me a lot about living and adjusting to another culture. Ironically it is the culture I was born in so I thought it would be easier, but it is harder than I thought. The U.S. and India are different in every possible way in terms of social norms, dress, food, politics, and more. Every movement that I make and everything I say has to be well thought out before I can execute it. I have to think before I eat with m
y left hand (its offensive here) or sitting on the left side (left side is for drivers). I also have to act normal even when something may be offensive to me such as when people stare at (people staring at you is normal here), or if people tell me that I’ve gotten fat (they say fat when you gain weight). Even seeing things that I’m not used to seeing takes a while for the mind to adjust. I thought that I had adjusted with the culture quite smoothly, but I realized for the first time yesterday how odd it was that cows were roaming on the streets in the middle of a city even though I’ve seen them each day since I’ve been here. In order to truly understand another culture, it takes a total mind and body adjustment. Sometimes your body may adjust while your mind doesn’t, or your mind may adjust but your body doesn’t. It takes dedication and focus to adjust both of them. One has to be always observant about what is appropriate, what is considered offensive, what social norms are, etc. Though it is difficult to adjust to culture shock, the rewards of being immersed in another culture far outweighs the difficulties. Every time I’m in another country I realize the beauty of other cultures, and how ignorant we are in the U.S. not to appreciate what other cultures have to offer. My mouth is delighted with the taste of exotic food; my eyes are enchanted by the different designs and colors of clothing, and my mind is filled with the knowledge of foreign customs and traditions. It is truly an experience like no other.
I got ready for dance class one day, and put on long pants and a t-shirt like usual even though there is no air conditioning in the building where the class is held. I noticed a few of my clothes from the U.S. and put on the loosest shirt I had brought. It seemed tight by Indian standards! I felt an ache for the U.S. How I missed being able to wear anything! It was a privilege I took for granted. I missed being able to wear my own fashions and not having to worry about sexual harassment from men. Here, women only wear a long top with pants or shirts. This privilege to wear my choice of clothing was a freedom I hadn’t considered before. I could w
ear skirts or shorts without consistent leering and gazing by men-old men, young men, married men, policemen, bus conductors, even some women! The irony is that even with wearing the salwar kameez (long shirt and pants), men still continue their sexual harassment even though there is nothing to see. Not just with me, but with all the women around me. Not just any woman, but all women; whether they are poor, rich, educated, literate, ugly, beautiful, fat, thin, or even disabled. To hear women in this culture say that this type of harassment is “a part of life” as they shrug their shoulders is alarming for me. Even more alarming is to hear men’s perspectives on this. According to them sexual harassment and abuse do not occur in Kerala, and if it does, it’s only a minute portion of society. Then they turn it around and say that men are the ones who are being harassed and abused by the women! In all reality, statistics say otherwise. Every 51 minutes a woman is sexually harassed, and every 21 minutes a woman is molested in India. I told my Aunty and her daughter about what men told me their perspectives were about sexual harassment and abuse. They laughed and said, “That is how it is here. Even if a man is beating his wife, he will not say that he is abusing her, he will only say she did something wrong to deserve it!” They went on to say that there is more freedom here than in North India and that there is more sexual harassment and abuse there. I kept thinking how conservative and confining the culture for women in South India is, I can’t even imagine the difference in North India!I wonder, how is the U.S. so different from India that things like staring, groping, lewd comments, etc. is considered common and silently accepted by women? Of course there is a patriarchal system here which is the root of the problem. The men don’t acknowledge this however; they say that men and women are equal here. I see the truth in their actions. As I stand united and divided, a woman with her heart in India, but her feet in the U.S., I wonder what does it take to make a change? The women of Kerala suffer deep cuts and live with lacerations on their heart due to sexual abuse and harassment. They are uncomfortable to discuss these issues. They have to ask themselves about their silenced role in perpetuating these problems. What would make women better and stronger persons in the Kerala society? Can women go beyond knee jerk responses to combat such violations? The psyches of Kerala women bleed with shame in surviving sexual abuse and harassment. Culture, tradition and even religion are used to justify the inactivity of women to initiate the combating of such violation against women. Educating and empowering each woman through information and knowledge about various aspects of sexual abuse while forgetting political and religious sensitivities is the key to combating their silenced role.
Things I Miss
This may seem odd to write about what I miss in the U.S. since I have the opportunity of a lifetime to be in India. However, I have come to realize that it’s ok to miss the luxuries and things in the
U.S. because at the same time I am appreciating what I didn’t before. I miss the freedom not only to wear different clothes (especially when its hot out!) but also to do small things such as stretch out in a chair, cross my leg over the other, use a washing machine, have air conditioning, speaking English and having people understand me, to call up my parents and boyfriend on the phone at anytime (it’s 12 hours time difference there and also its expensive to call). I miss sending letters because it takes one month for a letter to reach the U.S., to wear my hair in any fashion (only braids and barrettes are the fashion here), eating chocolate J, understanding conversations between people (they speak Malayalam between each other), using high speed internet, and eating different types of food (only south Indian and north Indian food here). Although I have traveled extensively in Central America and have interacted with many different cultures since I was young, being in India has taught me a lot about living and adjusting to another culture. Ironically it is the culture I was born in so I thought it would be easier, but it is harder than I thought. The U.S. and India are different in every possible way in terms of social norms, dress, food, politics, and more. Every movement that I make and everything I say has to be well thought out before I can execute it. I have to think before I eat with m
y left hand (its offensive here) or sitting on the left side (left side is for drivers). I also have to act normal even when something may be offensive to me such as when people stare at (people staring at you is normal here), or if people tell me that I’ve gotten fat (they say fat when you gain weight). Even seeing things that I’m not used to seeing takes a while for the mind to adjust. I thought that I had adjusted with the culture quite smoothly, but I realized for the first time yesterday how odd it was that cows were roaming on the streets in the middle of a city even though I’ve seen them each day since I’ve been here. In order to truly understand another culture, it takes a total mind and body adjustment. Sometimes your body may adjust while your mind doesn’t, or your mind may adjust but your body doesn’t. It takes dedication and focus to adjust both of them. One has to be always observant about what is appropriate, what is considered offensive, what social norms are, etc. Though it is difficult to adjust to culture shock, the rewards of being immersed in another culture far outweighs the difficulties. Every time I’m in another country I realize the beauty of other cultures, and how ignorant we are in the U.S. not to appreciate what other cultures have to offer. My mouth is delighted with the taste of exotic food; my eyes are enchanted by the different designs and colors of clothing, and my mind is filled with the knowledge of foreign customs and traditions. It is truly an experience like no other.
1 comment:
Being in India we are used to different cultures,ways of living,different customs and habits.So it is easy for us to understand a different culture as we live in a land of diversity,but still one country
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